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Carver Communications - Index

Carver Communications - 10.1.08 - Index

Multiples
By Cathey Meyer
Without the assistance of fertility
drugs or even a heredity disposition to multiples,
I am now the proud parent of nine
television remote controls. Yes, it was quite
a surprise to the Meyer household and like
any new parents of multiples, we are doing
our best to control the chaos of the instant
demands of operational organization. Just
yesterday, I was so proud of my vigilant
effort to keep our remotes at one-per-television,
easily accessible, battery-fresh and
limited-button operational. Today, I must
be a pre-planning fiend to organize the
parade of remotes to simply turn on the
television and locate the correct button
position to view a major network channel
without significant snow or sound distortion.
As you may recall, in the twilight of
my fortieth decade, I have yet to subscribe
to cable, dish or satellite television. No
rational reason exists for this lifestyle
choice as I am a regular viewer of too much
television intake, but without all those modern
day intrusions into my tiny household, I
still received 13, relatively clear channel
receptions. Granted, six of those channels
were in languages I am not fluent speaking,
but they were enjoyable to view none-theless.
My stylish rabbit-ear antennas were
often the topic of conversation both in and
out of my tiny apartment and my jovial significant
other learned the art of following
the football across the screen that may or
may not have been an ordinary housefly.
Those of you who are high-techtelevision
viewers have continued to suffer
through those annoying
commercials/announcements that FREE
TV, as we know it, will cease to exist in
February 2009. Indeed, it will be a very sad
moment for many, but rejoice, our government
(regardless of the president-elect) has
provided a $40 handout for those of us who
are too financially challenged to submit to
the corporate pressure of unsightly cables,
rooftop dishes or invisible rays connecting
us to the commercial propaganda of what
should be our American right to receive for
FREE!
October 1, 2008 REAL ESTATE NEWSLINE 7
While my fancy converter box cost
me a few bucks more than the $40 government
credit, allegedly, after February 2009,
my television reception will still be FREE
after a few prorated months of paying off
the boxes. With a weekend of not much to
do and few arguments of whether the penalty
called was related to the football or the
fly, my significant other decided to hook up
the converter boxes. Yes that is plural, and
yes in a tiny space of 800 square feet, it is
essential to have three television sets—two
of them color.
The process was relatively easy—as
soon as he left for Radio Shack to get some
sort of needless adapters—I got the things
plugged in and working. We are keeping
the needless adapters as he insists that eventually
they will be required, but that is
another fly on the wall. The surprise in the
process came when each converter box had
its own remote control. Just as I got my
trusty VCR’s to work in conjunction with
my television remotes, I had to readjust to
the practice of operating FIRST the converter
box remote, THEN the television
remote. But that’s not all! Now the antique
VCRs no longer operated independent of
their own remote. In order to continue the
ancient practice of recording programs on
to a tape, I now needed an independent
VCR remote.
There in lies the birth of three
remotes per set and my multiple maintenance
of television operation. But the solution
is so simple you say—purchase a universal
remote for everything—not so fast
grasshopper—as it should be no surprise
that two of the three television are too dated
for use with a universal remote. You can’t
make this stuff up folks. We are now in the
process of figuring out how to label each
remote in sequential order of operation—a
process not as easy as one might think.
They are all black, palm size operators, but
the buttons are located in vastly different
points on the face. As our reading glasses
are never in a convenient location for easy
views, turning on the television is a new
experience each time.
Interestingly enough, we are now
high definition viewers. The picture on my
dinosaur screens, while small, is disturbingly
clear. With no squinting required, we
can count the pours on faces of our nightly
newscasters and spot plastic surgery scars
from across the room. The grand bonus in
all this is the acquisition of 14 more channels!
Now my ‘FREE’ television has 27
channels of mindless viewing. Again,
almost half of them are non-English speaking
channels, but even foreign language
folks look much different in high definition
television. I now spend hours just flipping
through channels enjoying the clarity of
what cable, dish or satellite television must
be like. That is if I grab the correct remote
for surfing channels.
Yes, it is exhausting caring for so
many little remotes, but the pay-off is worth
the effort. Knowing I am contributing to
the American dream of a television in every
room and not having to pay for the privilege
of purchasing bad programming, I can now
set my sight on more important issues—
like the fashion do’s and don’ts of the next
collection of folks in the White House.