Carver Communications - Index

Carver Communications - dec12008 - Index

My True Love Sent to Me
When in doubt, by a gift card!
On the first day of Christmas, my
true love sent to me a partridge in a pear
tree. Several things went wrong with that
poorly thought-out gift: My building does
not allow pets, and living in an apartment,
I have no place to plant a tree. So, on the
first day of Christmas, I returned to my
true love, a baked partridge nestled in the
spindly branches of his Charlie Brown
Christmas Pear Tree. He said it was very
tasty but needed more salt. Not!
On the second day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me two turtle doves
and yet another partridge in a pear tree. I
wanted to cook his goose and I had my fill
of culinary prison, but in the holiday spirit,
I bar-b-qued the trio, hung them from
the pear tree and sent the package right on
back to him.
On the third day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me. . . three French
hens. I sensed a theme occurring.
Apparently, my true love does not love me
Countrywide Bank, FSB
By Cathey Meyer
Lance Bryce
Bernie Hinojosa
as much as he loves a home-cooked meal.
He may need to find a new love for 2009,
but for now, I am continuing to fake the
cooking thing in hopes of a gift more in
line with my true love—something in
gold. I sent the hens off to Central Market
and had them prepare a succulent dish and
sent that right back to my true love.
On the fourth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me. . . four calling
birds. I’ve had it with the bird themed
gifts. I do not enjoy feathers, flight or
fun-loving pets whose last goal in life is to
get baked. I listed them on e-bay as exotic
Mexican parody parrots and collected
$350 each for them. I pity the sucker trying
to cook those fryers. Let us not forget,
each time there has been a ‘day of
Christmas’ my true love is sending me
everything again. In this one joyous season
of holiday cheer, I have thus far
received four partridges in pear trees, six
turtle doves, nine French hens, and 12
Kristin Rougeau
Santiago Rodarte
December 1, 2008 REAL ESTATE NEWSLINE 7
calling birds (at $350—not such a bad
gift—but shipping and handling does eat
into the profits).
Honestly, I am a bit confused
about all these days of Christmas.
Naturally, when the five golden rings
arrived, I was thrilled. That is until had
them appraised and they were actually a
cheap metal with gold over-lay. Add that
to my new collection of 20 calling birds,
15 French hens, 10 turtle doves and five
partridges in pear trees, I was quickly
falling out of love. I emailed my true love
and begged to stop the gift giving, but
before I could hit the send button . . .
On the sixth day of Christmas,
my true love sent to me. . . six geese a-laying.
Guess how thrilled I was with more
birds to roast AND NOW eggs to scramble.
Is it any wonder I am not a kitchen
maven? Along with the bird of the day
club, came the expected 10 fake golden
rings, 24 calling birds, 18 French hens, 15
turtle doves and six partridges in pear
trees. My small space was now a scene
from a classic Alfred Hitchcock movie
and the holiday season was long lost in
bird poop and feathers. When the seven
swans a-swimming arrived on the seventh
day, I was on my way to make a person a
visit to my true love.
However, I was not quick enough
to get past the eight maids a-milking. The
maid part was most appealing to me, but
being lactose intolerant, whole milk was
not the only thing curdling under my pear
trees. Noah’s Arc was in full float and I
had yet to receive a gift worth returning
for its face value. Once I mentioned I
491-7400 434 N. Loop 1604 West
wanted to take dancing lessons, but the
nine ladies dancing did nothing for my
self esteem. You guessed it, I sent those
babes off with the ten lords-a-leaping—
although I am not sure it was a match
made in heaven. By the time the 12 drummers
drumming showed up, I had stickers
made up that read ‘return to sender’ and
told them to find someone who cared.
No good deed goes unpunished
dear readers and my true love is now
reviewing other traditional Christmas carols
for unique and clever gift ideas. I have
recorded “Diamonds are a Girl’s Best
Friend” to the tune of “All I Want for
Christmas is my Two Karat Diamonds”
and altered the music from “Girls Just
Wanna Have Fun” to “A Holly Jolly
Christmas in the Bahamas.” In the spirit
of the season, I am the first to acknowledge
there is more to life than buying into
the commercialism of my gift is bigger
than your gift. Certainly in this economy,
it is not the size of the gift but the thought
behind it. I am just thinking my true love
needs a little guidance in translating holiday
jingles into things that jingle my
heart.
In reality, this was just a lesson in
literal reading skills. As you are looking
for ways to fill the void of no money for
holiday fun this season, check out the
lyrics of our traditional holiday tunes and
you tell me why we sing these crazy songs
year after year after year! I am off to figure
out why Grandma got run over by a
reindeer . . . .Happy Holidays to you and
your gift givers.
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